When Everything Feels Louder Than It Should

The past couple of weeks have felt louder than they should.

Not because anything catastrophic has happened, but because my brain has been working in overdrive. Bipolar and ADHD have a way of turning minor disruptions into something far more consuming than they need to be.

A changed plan. A delayed reply. A last minute shift at uni. Whatever it is, my brain reaches straight for the fuck it button, a reflex to destruct rather than deal with what is actually in front of me.

Instead of just handling it.

I am better at that than I used to be. But the margin is still thin. It does not take much for things to tip from manageable into overwhelming, and once that shift happens, everything feels louder than it is.

That is the point where it becomes difficult to think clearly.

Today’s walk was an attempt to interrupt that.

From UEL Docklands to Royal Victoria Dock, the landscape shifts constantly.

Newham feels like a borough in transition. Dragging itself forward, reshaping, rebuilding. Glass, steel, repetition. Flats rising quickly, sometimes so close together they seem to cancel each other out.

Within minutes, the noise dropped.

Taking photos helped. It always does. Not because they are exceptional, but because they force me to look properly. To notice what is actually there rather than what my brain is telling me is there.

The cranes.
The water.
The way the light flattens everything for a moment before shifting again.

Nothing external had changed.

But the internal volume lowered.

Not fixed.

Just quieter.