The impulsivity demon has been wreaking havoc in my brain today. Slightly hungover after drinks following the conference and awards ceremony, I’ve spent most of the day obsessively scrolling show tickets and looking for something to do tonight. Part of it is the urge to keep building momentum after the award. Part of it is the crash that comes with the end of semester, when everything suddenly feels directionless.

There has been more good news, which gives me hope for the future, even if I do not yet know what that support will look like. I am grateful for it. I am also keeping it offline. There are limits to what should be shared, even for someone who likes to vent.

My birthday is next week. Tonight I went to the cinema to watch Lee Cronin’s The Mummy, and I’m heading to the London Dungeon Blackout event, before finishing with The Devil Wears Prada 2 tomorrow evening. It sounds like a lot written down. Maybe it is.

I need to get a grip on the basics again. Diet. Routine. Consistency.

I am going to stay sober. Nothing went wrong after the awards, but I did start smoking again that night. That is the trigger I still struggle with. It has got easier, and I handle alcohol better than I used to, but it is still a risk I do not need.

I am not where I was. Not even close. I am not waking up under bridges, confused, convinced I have somewhere to be. That version of me is gone. I want to keep it that way.

There is always the temptation to make these posts feel profound. To say something definitive. But the point of Being Bipolar is simpler than that.

It is just to tell the truth about what is going on, even when it feels ordinary.