New room, new academic year just around the corner, new me.

I say that, I’ve moved exactly one corridor to the right of my old room, though it is an absolute joy to have a view of the river once more. Even if that does now mean that I must remember at all costs how windows work and remain clothed at all times. No one wants to see that.

It does feel exciting, though. Perhaps because my third and final year at university is looming in the not too distant future, or it could be completely ADHD/Bipolar infused buzzing around the concept of a fresh start. I suppose that’s never a bad thing if the energy is spent wisely.

With the move complete and everything unpacked, I’m reminded of a visual that made something die inside me, and I’m determined to make sure the feeling never becomes a reality.

You’ll hear me harp on a lot about turning my life around after years of total self destruction, getting into trouble and being a pest. But there is one thing that bothers me even more than the obsession with having a criminal record and feeling like I don’t deserve or get to move forward, and that’s the danger of leaving nothing behind.

I’m not at all remarkable. I certainly won’t break any records or cure cancer, but what does exist is the opportunity to leave a trail of hope for anyone who has tread a path like mine. And, of course, anyone whose story hasn’t been quite as explosive as mine.

I’m a massive advocate that people who have messed up and want to sort their lives out should be able to. The WANT here does a lot of heavy lifting. We’re not talking everything served on a silver platter, an MBE, OBE or CBE and continual applause, but a leg up and better support through the trials and tribulations of doing so.

We do many things brilliantly in this country: theme parks that can’t operate their rides in weather, queueing, going out of our way to have fish and chips where the seagulls hang out so we can complain about them. But the one thing we don’t do is help people when they’re stuck or pick people up when they have stumbled.

Instead, we point, persecute, prosecute and perpetually assault these people with absolutely disgusting language. No one chooses to sit around doing nothing. Even those who want to would get bored of it eventually because it is the most mind numbing thing. So let’s get them back to a life that they can be proud of, doing something that doesn’t make them feel utterly suicidal, contributing back into the economy and, by proxy, into a society that would rather they disappeared altogether.

There is little pride in my past. Every accomplishment seems shadowed by something quite sinister. A horrific social media message, lashing out in the real world, and hurting people who only ever stood by me, even when I least deserved it.

I’m not on a mission to shed this weight, though it would be nice if it didn’t plague me so readily. I certainly give it all more thought than anyone has in the last ten years since my last offence.

And perhaps that’s part of what I’m trying to do with each post I write, and frustratingly go on to delete in this cycle of wanting to change the world and hide myself from it altogether, every video I make, and whatever other platform I choose to make a nuisance of myself on: bring the humanity back to stories like mine.

Life is never clear cut, and you never quite know what you’re capable of until you’re in the most desperate of situations. If your convictions were spent, and became proud of how far removed you’d made yourself from the person you allowed yourself to become, wouldn’t you want to be able to do something with it all?

This is absolutely not a redemption path. I am not on a journey to martyrdom, neither am I trying to be someone to look up to.

I just want to make it abundantly clear that it is not okay for people to be able to fall apart so spectacularly if they are in the pursuit of help and support from the NHS and not receiving it because they are not ‘ill’ enough or are shoved on a significant wait list; if they need housing support now but are forced to wait; if they are seeking employment but are continually being knocked back; if they are desperately doing everything they can to help themselves and find themselves with nothing.

It is not okay to let these people give up, to watch them live on the streets, or find themselves in hospital as a result of ill mental health, or to be alone despite being there for others.

If we are able to step in and up for these people, they can, will and do avoid the criminal justice system, enjoy better relationships with friends, family and themselves, become the best employers you’ll ever meet, find their feet in life again and, who knows, maybe even go on to help others.

Intervention is prevention.

Doing something, anything, is prevention. Listening is prevention. Supporting loved ones in any way you can, and that doesn’t necessarily mean financially or to the point of hurting yourself, can be prevention.

The reason I became brutally aware of my mortality and the time that I have left, or not, came just after I packed up the campus tours stand and banner after doing tours daily for a couple of weeks.

The stark emptiness of the space I had been taking up for so long punched me in the gut.

I had the best time listening to prospective students get excited about the industries they want to enter, the reasons why and what they’d come from. I also sincerely hope I gave even a few ounces of the welcome I’ve had here.

But, in that space, the space I was given and trusted with, the tours I delivered and the conversations I had, did I make an impact?

I took great pride in telling people how much the time and space of university has helped me turn my whole life around. I hope that translated as hope, understanding, kindness and reassurance. I hope, for that hour and a bit, I was able to give something to the people visiting during clearing, which isn’t always the easiest system to navigate.

So, no more apologising for taking up space, particularly if the intentions are good.

No more waiting around for permission. It’s never coming.

No more waiting for the right start, the best event, the right show to review and the perfect piece of journalism to jump start the career.

It all starts and ends here, in these posts.

As I am, as they are.