“Oh F*ck off.”

I couldn’t control it. The words were out of my mouth before I’d given it another thought. I can’t remember the last time I reacted to anything in such a way.

Do you remember when Disney Channel Original Movies were at their peak? They always felt a little cheap and looked as though they weren’t quite polished. That’s not to say they were bad, but they had a distinctive flavour, and that very much became the brand. To their benefit though, each film had a genre and stuck to it. There might have been some overlap, but never to the detriment of the story.

This film, and if you are in possession of an ounce of common sense you may already see where this is going, couldn’t pick a lane, let alone stay in one without weaving on the cusp of causing outright chaos.

I don’t like outright criticism. I find it lazy and distasteful, but I just cannot collect enough positivity when thinking about this film to even begin to write a redemption arc.

The concept is clear, and there’s not much at all to it. Sex is illegal for singles for all but one day a year. I’m sure you can immediately conjure up images of a ‘will they? Won’t they?’ romcom romp with a little dash of Bridget Jones’s Diary, maybe a smouldering wisp of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Instead, what we get is a bland, beige, empty cocoon of nothingness.

There’s something strangely watchable about this film. It’s warm enough, but it’s not good. Characters lack depth, the script is about as predictable as it comes without delivering any real laughs or a reason to care, for that matter.

It is literally a tale of two people trying to get laid. One as a result of his girlfriend ditching him to go and have sex with someone else, the other after she’s ditched by a friend. The duo spend the whole film criss-crossing paths with one another.

What’s worse is that this feels like it could easily be cut up for social media content and not be affected by doing so.

I wonder if that’s the point.

Is this supposed to be an engagement bait clip factory that will inevitably become a sleeper hit as people watch it on a streaming service? Are we at that level of opaqueness now? Are we no longer trying?

The characters are flat, the plot thin, and whilst it might be OK to have on in the background whilst you scroll social media, in my honest opinion, it’s not worth the time or the attention.