Dear reader,

I am exhausted.

Totally self-inflicted, of course. I’m currently on a bipolar-enthused spending spree. Last night? Derren Brown’s Only Human. The next three days?

All of the films that are on at the cinema, apparently. Oh, and the Arsenal Women v Tottenham Women match.

VARIETY!

I do know that I need to calm down, eat the food that I’ve got in my room and get used to sitting still again. But if I’m not writing reviews for this site, then what is the point in anything?

No, really. What is the point?

Bothered, I cannot be.

Coursework? Nah.

Finishing the degree? Why?

Doing well at anything?

It’s all bollocks, isn’t it?

It doesn’t matter who you ask, where you look for support or how you ask for it. No one really knows what they’re doing, but it would be rather helpful if they’d admit so.

“Have you tried uploading your CV?”

To what? The cloud?

“I’ve always secured interviews.”

How? Do I need to go through a list of people to make sure they’re all alive and safe?

“You just need to put yourself out there.”

If I put myself out any more, I’ll be done for indecent exposure!

It’s not that bad, but seriously. What is it with people giving terrible advice? And why is it always the people who don’t have to look for work, mainly because they’ve retired, telling you how to look for work? As if securing their job was nothing more than pot luck.

“You should get a trade.”

Yes, I, a 33-year-old fat bloke who has something of a penchant for words, should absolutely train to fit boilers.

I don’t know a wrench from a screwdriver.

I once blew the fuse in my uni halls studio flat and couldn’t find the fuse box, which was so clearly just above the door.

I barely know how to breathe, let alone walk and talk at the same time with confidence. I would be a threat to everyone’s health and safety.

Not to mention, I’d have to drudge tools across London on public transport.

And I once lost a suit because I left it on a train.

I was only carrying the suit.

Right, no time to wallow. I’ve got to go and bitch about two films.

I’m seeing Other Mommy and The Influencer Project.