I had no idea I’d be walking away with the Rising Star Journalist of the Year award. I knew I’d been nominated, but there were some seriously strong candidates in my year group, and I was more than happy to leave it there.

Ugh. That’s what everyone says, isn’t it? Fine. I’m going to say it anyway.

This “journey” was never really about the degree. It helps, of course. It proves I’ve stuck something out. But almost everything else in my life is happening around it. Therapy twice a week, a mentor once a week, working whenever I can, and trying to find something stable in East London, which has been harder than I expected.

I forget that sometimes. It’s easy to forget.

For years, through the self-destruction, the trouble, the messages I wish I could take back, one thing stayed constant: the shame. The sense of worthlessness that comes with living in a mind where undiagnosed bipolar and ADHD were left to run unchecked.

I did those things. I’ve never denied that. But there was more going on at the same time.

My adoptive mum died days before my 15th birthday, and life seemed to move on without me. I didn’t cope, not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know how. I was dragged along, and no one really stopped to check in.

I’m not trying to position myself as a victim. But it’s easy to get stuck in that version of yourself, to believe that’s all you are and all you’ll ever be.

Parts of that still feel true.

Only now, journalism has given me something to push against. I want to change how we talk about mental health, not in slogans, but properly. What it actually means, how it shows up, how it affects people whether they admit it or not, and what we can do to make things feel a little less heavy.

One thing I’ve been bad at is this series. I said I wouldn’t let it drift, but it did. Because it’s exposing, because context fades, because what feels honest in the moment can read like a rant later.

But that’s also the point, isn’t it?

If this doesn’t show the highs, the lows, and everything in between, then what is it for?

An award sounds like a finish line. It isn’t.

So here’s the cliché. I’m going to use this as a marker and actually step forward. One post a day, whatever is going on in my head. No overthinking. No disappearing.